My Notes for Black History Month

Its February and because I am Black I am going to talk about it.

My first note, on February 1st I woke up from a refreshing dream and I checked my twitter to hear of talks about Maya Angelou or Madame CJ Walker , but no I was ever so disappointed that it was no more than 8 hours into Black History Month and ratchetness appeared on my timeline about Jaide. It pains me to even talk about her but I have to its weighing painfully on my heart. The setting is a high school locker room. The characters consist of about as far as viewer can tell a couple of black girls one Spanish girl and the AV club friend. I am not really mad about the bully a victim plot but I have picked up a few one liners from it. Besides that I am disappointed in the reality of of our minority and all the YouTube videos and reality TV shows that we show to the world. Yes I am ratchet but I aint getting a reality TV show so that the world knows it. All I have to say is that lets raise the bar if not for you do it for the people who came before you.

My second note , ITS THE YEAR OF BEYONCE GISELLE KNOWLES – CARTER mother of 17 grammys, 4 number one albums and one Blue Ivy. I am apart of the Beyhive and I do stan for Bey and I am signing up for a MasterCard because I need those special tickets for my 19th birthday on August 3rd. Lets start on the GQ ad, just reminisce on the flour thrown in the air. Then let me take you to the lip sync of her life at the Inauguration. After her press conference to shut all the haters up. Later her sickening Super Bowl halftime performance. Now she is in Vogue and this Saturday she will be on Next Chapter talking to Oprah.  Also the day before that her documentary on HBO comes out and World Tour. Finally she gonna get pregnant with a boy and announce  it on New Years Eve the boys name will be Burgundy Maple so they can stay mad!

My third note, did you know sitting is just as bad as smoking. I read this article that sitting is killing people. Think about it you lay down at least 8 hours to sleep and out of the entire day how long do you stand and how long do you sit? So do like Michelle says and MOVE!

BTW I lost 10 lbs from the 6/52 diets. Yay me!!!

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GET THIS ON YOUR PHONE NOW! Every black person should use this.

This bitch needs to get snatched

I know that 64% of New Years Resolution is to lose weight and I also know that only 13% of those people make it past March 1st and 3% actually stick it out through the entire year.  Yes in the past I have made this resolution and have  not stuck it out, so in the past years I have made small resolutions. Like not biting my nails I was successful, manage my skin better I was successful, cut your hair and go natural and I have been successful. So seeing as how my track record the past few years have been proven to work why not lose all this weight I have gained this summer at chipotle.

I want to lose  the weight.

Why? Well in the past 2 years 2 of my uncles had an aneurysm. One of my uncles passed away December 31,2010. My other uncle 2 months later had a bad flu and he was admitted into the hospital and we found out he too had an aneurysm. That same year I found out my grandmother passed away at the same age of my uncle from an aneurysm. Now that I know it runs in my family I want to do something about it early.

52 diets in 52 weeks

http://www.52dietsin52weeks.com/

I like to think of myself as a fun adventurous person. But I also know myself as a procrastinator, undisciplined and I get bored very easily. So I thought of this a while ago but as the procrastinator I never started, so now that I have this outlet I want to use to keep me committed for the next year. No I do not want to become stick thin skinny, I just want to keep my breasts, gain some ass and flatten this stomach to smithereens. Its possible to get snatched in 52 weeks, right?

 

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays from my family to yours!

3 Notes

My first note. Christmas is about Jesus ya’ll doesn’t anyone remember that?

I feel like no one remembers that the virgin Mary went to 9 inns that were full, went to a barn with goats, gave birth to Jesus, three kings came with presents and that’s on the 25th of December. Don’t y’all remember that?

My 2nd note, Stop trying to find out when the world ends and don’t be prepared when it does!

The Mayan Calender is ending tomorrow supposedly the end of the world. If the world is truly ending tomorrow, LET THIS BITCH END! I am tired of watching movies where Shia Lebouf or Dwayne Johnson trying to save the world, just let it end. The dinosaurs didn’t put up a fight, why are we? If that does happen I hope I am near Kid Fury because he will be throwing Zeus like thunder bolts of shade and I want to hear it, wherever I am. That is all I have to say about the world ending.

My third note, I don’t like animals. I don’t mind people who do like animals. I thoroughly cant stand overly zealous animal enthusiasts. I’m talking the “Throw paint on a fresh mint coat” PETA protesters.

I was reminded of my disdain through Joana Krupa. This girl is on Miami Housewives and not a housewife but that is not here nor their. I just watched this episode where everyone goes to this lingerie party and one of her co-stars wore a fur vest. Everyone couldn’t give two shits about the vest, but it was like the women spit her drink in Krupas face the way she got angry. She was getting all hype cursing  about take her vest off and do a say-once to reprieve the squirrels that died. But the after show was worst, Krupa was like anyone who supports Kim Kardashian is evil because she wore fur.Really its people like her  I cant stand you eat meat ,wear cashmere and drink milk and you want to tell someone to save the animals? And don’t ask me , How would you feel if you were skinned alive ? This is my answer , you better be a fly bitch.

 

And that I am! A fly bitch.

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus?

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
He didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He thought I was tucked
Up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then, I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen
Daddy kissing Santa Claus last night!

What if Santa was gay?

Think about it with me. Would you still love Santa the same way you love him now? Or would you shut him out like the Easter Bunny? Would you not include him as a part of Christmas?

Would you view him and his relationship with elves like you would a gay pastor and the children of his flock? What if it turned out Mrs. Claus was really apart of a beard couple just hiding Mr. Claus, Santa’s life partner? Would you support legislative measures to allow them to marry or have Mr.Claus still hid among-st the elves?

What would you tell the children, if Santa were gay? When they ask about Saint Nicholas and his husband , would you let them know that some men  love men, and what’s important is the love? Or would you raid your Christmas decorations, tossing every Santa in sight, and tell the kids he’s just not welcome in your house anymore?

Would you still read “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas?” Or would you look for different books, ones that focus solely on the reindeer’s  and just drop Santa like an old friend you haven’t heard from in years? Would Santa’s beloved status in our culture make a difference? Could you see your way clear to love and accept him because he’s, well, Santa?

 

What if you were invited to Santa’s wedding, what in the world would you wear?

Chaka Khan Ukah

To all of my Jewish-Funk readers its the first day of Chaka Khan Ukah! MAZEL!

I am not Jewish so I just had to put a spin on Hanukkah like y’all do the dreidel.

Mistletoe Jam

Girl, come on over here and get under this mistletoe with me

I’m not getting under that mistletoe with you anymore

Why not?

‘Cause you don’t know how to act when you get under there

What are you talking about?

You know what I’m talking about

What?

The last time I got under that thing with you

What happened?

The last time I got under there with you, I had twins

Ooh, tell it all

I am single. I am not lonely and I am really not into mingle. I did not just come out of a serious relationship and I am not in a emotional stand still where I cant handle a relationship. I just dont want to be in one. I find myself to be in a category all by myself. Single and not wanting to mingle. It is not like I am not approached its just I don’t want to be in a relationship. All the responsibilities of a relationship and all that comes with it I dont want to del with. I am in a state of selfishness right now and I do not want to care for someone elses emotions. It is exhausting just thinking of it right now. But for all of you reading that has someone special with you under the mistletoe this outfit goes to you. A little something naughty to get someting nice.

 

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F*ck Santa

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

I know some of my readers allow the young children in their family to believe in Santa, but maybe this year you might want to tell them the truth. My niece is turning 7 this year and no one in my family is telling her about no damn Santa Claus. I understand that it brings out their imagination and it goes with the tradition of Christmas but fuck that. Saint Nicholas does not exist. There is no man living in the North Pole with a whole bunch of elves making Nerf guns. Lets get serious, the children of today are smarter than that to think that and by telling them that there is such a thing as any fantasy character is just insulting their intelligence .I remember when I used to played along with my aunt because she wanted me to believe in the tooth fairy and when my tooth came out I felt her hand push underneath the pillow. You cannot fool children anymore the gig is up and they know better than to think there is a fat white man going around the world in one night. If Jackie Chan can only do it in 80 days aint no way in hell a dude with reindeer and a pot belly can do it.

Here is an article about fibbing to children http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/23/to-fib-or-not-about-santa-claus/?ref=santaclaus

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AIDS Awareness Day

The 1 st of December and its AIDS Awareness Day.As a blogger I would like to dedicate this post to every one of my readers who has been affected by the AIDS disease, it doesn’t have to be you it could be someone you know. Make sure you guys get you 6 month check if you’re sexually active. Stay Healthy, Educated and Fly!

http://www.aids.org/ for more info.